foot acceptance

So, after a week of feeling like the most difficult thing in my life to accept was the recent, yet noticeably permanent, residence of a big beach ball in my bathroom, God was able to hit me with at least one or two that really forced me to learn to accept with humour and grace- and just get over it. 

For the first three quarters of this week I actually felt like there was nothing that I had to accept that I couldn't. Not that I am the most accepting person out there, but just I guess, that I have a pretty easy and normal life. I have also never had any big problems with accepting myself. Sometimes I am not the most proud of myself etc., however accepting who I am has never been an issue for me. So, since I was finding that acceptance (on whatever level) was not a virtue that I really was having any growth with I actually had thoughts along the lines of 'One day my acceptance will really be tested because it has not yet. Perhaps God, you should begin to test my acceptance because I want to work on it, and I can't if I don't even have anything come up that it is a test for me to accept...' 

So la-di-da I carry on with my days. And then I decided to, finally, call my doctor and make an appointment to get my foot looked at- refer back to my post on december fifteenth, that broken toe- the toe has continued to ache since I originally hurt it in India. My doctor is out of town (are they allowed to go away?) so I went to the walk-in. All that I wanted was an x-ray requisition (most difficult thing to say out loud. Try it. x-ray requisition) so I could go and find out what was up with the achey foot. But instead, this balls-y walk-in doctor takes a look at both of my feet, pokes at them for a bit, asks me to stand and look down at my toes, and then asked me if my big toe has always looked like that, and I say, no, and then he starts throwing out all kinds of medical terms, and states that I have early hallux valgas, a.k.a. bunions. So yeah, bunions, that word just makes you cringe right? Well you should try walking with bunion-y toes. Oi. Something new I learned, bunions are just an inflamation or excessive growth of the bone and joint between your big toe and foot, and it is caused by everyday wear and tear. There is, apparently, nothing you can do about it, nothing that will make it better aside from surgery that will be needed within the next ten years once the pain is so bearable that I just can hardly walk. Yeah. 

So no kidding, I swear, I only had a gimpy foot from India, and then I was walking to the clinic thinking about how my acceptance has never been tested, and God was all, 'Okay then, let me give you something that I know will be hard for you to accept. I know, because I am the All-Knowing, that you walk everywhere, that you love running and dancing and hiking and wearing cute shoes and sandals, and I know that you stand all day for work so, let me give you bunions. Because you want to learn acceptance.' And poof he messed up my feet. No joke. 

On a less bitter note, my favorite quote this week from the book is about accepting others: 'In Buddhism, the word "suchness" is used to mean "the essence or particular characteristics of a thing or person, its true nature." Each person has his or her suchness. If we want to live in peace and happiness with a person, we have to see the suchness of that person. Once we see it, we understand him or her, and there will be no trouble. We can live peacefully and happily together."

I have found this week, that I have a much easier time accepting other people with all their strengths and weaknesses, than I have accepting things being 'wrong' with myself- as Linda Kaveling Popov says in her book 'Sacred Moments'- with humour and grace. The humour part is easy, but I think using humour is my way of not really accepting it. Evidently I need to find the balance of grace for a more complete acceptance; a great segue into this weeks virtue, grace.